How I Began Searching For My Voice

Hello all, and welcome to my blog! This has been a long time coming, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to start one, but I was either usually very afraid to or found some sort of way to convince myself it wasn’t a good idea. The thing about blogs is that you’re putting your thoughts out there for people to read. And those who know me may know that I am very opinionated, but I always keep to myself.

“She’s very quiet” — what most people will say about me when they first meet me. But I can talk. I actually love to talk. I enjoy learning about other people, and the more I’ve grown, the more I’ve appreciated conversations with others.

I have a friend I met at St. John’s University during the first General Body Meeting for the independent school newspaper, The Torch. The first time I finally got to attend was when I decided that before transferring schools, I would make the most out of my time here. I majored in Communications, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it. I’ve always loved writing. Photography eventually grew as a hobby. So the only thing I could think of as a practical field with these mediums included was journalism. With that, I started with the University newspaper — and before that, a high school course that I thoroughly enjoyed.

After a year of already avoiding the GBMs because I was so nervous, I finally had gone. So many people attended and looked as interested as me, and so many were already involved. To add to my anxiety, these students also had internships in places like NBC, CNN, and Billboard. So tell me, how was I not supposed to feel intimidated?

In a room full of people with diverse backgrounds, I can say that I was impressed. But the most important presence to me was a fellow Latina.

The thing about meeting people who look like you and are in the same field as you is that it makes you believe that you can do this. It was a coincidence that we had a class together. Because just with that, she took every opportunity to ask me where I was when I didn’t show up to production nights or participate with the paper. You can say we minorities try to look out for each other.

And the thing about it was, I knew I loved it. I knew I loved writing for the paper, even if I had only written a documentary about Biggie. Even if it was hard — and still is hard — trying to think of the right format for an article, the right words, the right lede, or whatever the case is, at the end of the day, I loved it.

I loved putting work into something, but I especially loved having a voice. Because even if my opinion of the documentary was a positive one, explaining it, word-by-word was meaningful.

As a sophomore in college at the time, it was often that not many students know what they want. I knew I was still confused. I didn’t know much about journalism, regardless of how many stories I had read or how much news I watched. It’s not enough to know exactly what journalism is about. But being in that basement office, in that room full of diverse students doing the work to share not only their voice but the voices of their fellow students, was constantly inspiring.

Being a journalist definitely comes with responsibility. At the Torch, I found that the topics I loved writing about most were Latinx culture and diving into diversity overall. My favorite story was reporting about the lack of diverse faculty on campus. It’s a question I often thought to myself but never brought it up. I found it important because I’m Latina but especially because of the impact that a fellow Latina was in a position of power at the school newspaper. That impacted me and encouraged me to get involved, eventually providing me with the necessary resources to step into this field. So, there wasn't much of that present for students who look for representation in their schools for guidance in any way.

I began to understand the controversy between journalists and the people that journalists report to the more involved I got. Every time a student journalist and journalist has had to explain their responsibility to remain impartial is tiring. But I understand that it’s also due to a mistrust in the media and those who choose to be partial. The more and more I learn, the more I understand that everyone has a part in this. A journalist has a part in informing people, getting answers for people, correcting, researching, investigating, and doing their best. But the readers and viewers also have a part to call out those who don’t show this and do their research before making a judgment. Journalists and people work hand in hand.

The journalist in me was built by the way I remained observant. Like I said before, I tend to keep to myself. This goes for opinions mainly. But this is because a lot of the time, I want my opinions to be validated. I don’t want to sound dumb to others and make sure I’m not throwing false facts out there. Teachers often tell their students, “there’s no right or wrong question.” This is true, but this doesn’t stop people from expressing something hurtful or people getting offended just by you asking a question. Trust me, and I have a lot of questions. But no matter what, it’s always best to just ask.

So that’s where I am now. In the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic and anti-black revolution, I decided it was time to come out with this blog. To have a space for these questions that I often ask myself and try to dive into them. After all, teachers also say, “maybe someone else has the same question as you.” I’m sure many of us do.